Stress

Im realllllly trying my hardest to stay positive
like really really really trying to be positive
looking at every thing and trying to find something beautiful about it

And then theres Howard

I wish I would have listened to my ma when she said I should transfer to another school.
But of course being the optimist, I decided to stay.

A year later, I hate my decision
Like I can truly say Ive never regretted a decision in my life until now
And that takes a helluva lot for me to admit
because usually I take every choice I make as a learning lesson that will some how benefit me in some kind a way

However

I dont see Howard will benefit me
I hate it here (Minus the folks Ive met)

I never dwell on the past with the should could wouldas
But now i know

i shoulda transferred to another school
I coulda transferred but I thought I knew what was best
I woulda transferred to another school if I woulda listened


Ive been in worse situations, lights turned off, little food in the house, heat turned off etc
Yet I handled each and every situation with strength

But this
This is most certainly a battle I dont think I can fight and win with
I