What I hate the most

Is when everyone always wants you to tell them your problems
They want you to open up to them

But then as soon as you vent to them, they view you as negative energy
Or like it is hard for you to be happy or someone to make you happy

But you told me I can vent to you....

that is why i tend to keep stuff to myself
Close friends, loved ones and associates alike

Stress

Im realllllly trying my hardest to stay positive
like really really really trying to be positive
looking at every thing and trying to find something beautiful about it

And then theres Howard

I wish I would have listened to my ma when she said I should transfer to another school.
But of course being the optimist, I decided to stay.

A year later, I hate my decision
Like I can truly say Ive never regretted a decision in my life until now
And that takes a helluva lot for me to admit
because usually I take every choice I make as a learning lesson that will some how benefit me in some kind a way

However

I dont see Howard will benefit me
I hate it here (Minus the folks Ive met)

I never dwell on the past with the should could wouldas
But now i know

i shoulda transferred to another school
I coulda transferred but I thought I knew what was best
I woulda transferred to another school if I woulda listened


Ive been in worse situations, lights turned off, little food in the house, heat turned off etc
Yet I handled each and every situation with strength

But this
This is most certainly a battle I dont think I can fight and win with
I

I want to leave Howard!!!!!!!!1

errr so they decide to raise tuition AGAIN
this time by 2300

So now I have to figure out how to pay for this current semester
Pay for summer school because the Howard doesnt offer enough classes that are required for my major, they always fill up quick
Pay for an apartment
Pay for this up and coming school year




FUCK

But itll happen
I dont care how
But it WILL

Gluten Free Diet

So I spoke to my doctor the last month
And he encouraged me to go on a gluten free diet

Sounds easy right? I didn't know where to start, what I can and can't eat.

GOOGLE!!!

I loved all the information I found.
I was almost already following a gluten free diet.

ACCEPTABLE FOODS
Beans, seeds, nuts in their natural, unprocessed form
Fresh eggs
Fresh meats, fish and poultry (not breaded, batter-coated or marinated)
Fruits and vegetables
Most dairy products

Always avoid
Avoid all food and drinks containing:

Barley (malt, malt flavoring and malt vinegar are usually made from barley)
Rye
Triticale (a cross between wheat and rye)
Wheat
Fries


And here's when my problem comes in.

I am an addict to wheat, fries and fried (breaded) meat.
I've given up enough food that I love (pork, most dairy products[lactose intolerant], red meats and sugar)

I feel like in the end, I wont be able to eat anything but salads

Im Back!!!

I've been M.I.A. lately because of this new semester

Everything has been pretty great minus these few Fibro Flares
But Ive been finding ways to get through it
With no medication!
Its hard but I know its the only thing I can do to feel better

I'm ready!

I'm bringing back my flute and my sketches back with me to DC

I'm going back to doing stuff I love!!

:)

This convo>>>>

But I'm willing to fall
I may fall hard
I may get hurt
But I'm willing to take that step

.......

Conversations with my best friend and my brother in law is always interesting
But it also makes me think am I doing everything for the right reasons
I tend to question everything which doesn't necessarily trigger the right thoughts
I hate wondering if the people in my life are there for us both to benefit from
And whether their intentions are true
And their true feelings about me in general

Either way I'm happy

.................

So is it wrong that I dont want to be bothered sometimes?
Even with people I love?

My mother tends to think so
even though shes the most anti social person int he world
She barely and will admit to dealing with her friends
She might talk to them on the phone
Other then that, she may see them once in a good while

This is my last day at home
so i just want to rest
I dont see the proble

:D

Sun is shining bright today!!!

Makes me want to though on old school music
Dance, clean and sing a long!

Laura Izibor

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_uAxD9RMPIY


Saw this woman in concert when I went to see India Arie
I immediately feel in love with her voice!

Funk Music

Whenever I'm in a sad mood

I have to listen to my Earth, Wind and Fire, Lakeside and Cameo
Three of some of these best funk groups!


EARTH WIND AND FIRE




CAMEO



(family song lol)


LAKESIDE
One of the best covers of the Beatles "I want to hold your hand"

Energized!!!...ramble!

This is the first time in a while where I have energy
and I actually want to do something
Ill probably most likely work out!!

I got rid of the stomach virus
I have a few body aches but nothing major

I am excited for this new semester
I started really weak BUT I will finish strong regardless
I refuse to let anything get in my way

:D:D:D:D

Sick

So I developed the stomach bug that has the rest of my family sick...

But I'm not going to let that ruin my last few days at home!
Saltine crackers, soup, water and 7 up for the rest of the day

Extreme Exhaustion

I was really scared earlier

Yesterday I only happened to get 1 hour of sleep
which was at 5:30 in the morning

Because my sister, brother in law and nephew was sick from the flu
I took on the responsibility of taking care of my 7 month old niece

Although I was tired, I managed to get through most of the day without a nap
simply because my body acted as if I didn't need one
And the fact that I had to watch my niece

HOWEVER

When about 4:30 came around
I became deathly tired
I could't move my body for a period of time
because I was just that tired
I could hardly keep hold of my niece that was sitting in my lap
I could hardly hold my head up
I could hardly keep my eyes open

I had to text my mother to come get the baby
I couldn't even explain to my mother about how I was feeling
Because my body refused to cooperate
It kept telling me to sleep

That 1 hour nap felt like I slept for a life time

I always hate when I am extremely exhausted
It's the scariest thing ever
Just to feel paralyzed because of your exhaustion

Low Tolerance?!?!

Fuck all the doctors who say folks with fibromyalgia have low pain tolerance

Like seriously, do you hear yourselves?

After dealing with pain day in and day out
Trust me, it develops a high tolerance
Of the daily pain at least

I love my niece and nephew

They are such a blessing

As tired as I am, I am glad that shes around!
BTW her teeth are now coming in!

Cane!

My cane came today!
Its pretty much dull black
I want to find a green one
or possibly a wooden one!

I'm going to feel like an old person
But I had to suck in my pride
and do what I have to do
Because I DO NOT plan ton missing classes for days on end
Just because I can't walk properly

People Bug Me!

I have a flare up
I'm currently on my menstrual cycle
And I got about an hour or 2 of sleep, since yesterday
yet I have to take care of my 7 month old niece
because her mother, dad and brother all have the flu
which i have no problem doing because she is such a sweetheart :D

HOWEVER

they are so sick to the point they needed someone to pick her up
I cannot pick her up because my brother only has insurance for him in his car
so we thought to ask my brother
his excuse for not wanting to pick his niece up was because he "just laid down"
in fact he did lay down at 4:30 in the morning
however, were not asking you to save the world
just simply to pick up your niece so that I can take care of her
until my sister, brother in law and nephew gets better
but you're too tired to


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